there i was.

It was a mistake.

I knew it from the very beginning that I was sms-ed, I knew in my guts feeling that it was wrong to be here.

Yet here I am, walking inside carelessly without a moment to think of what would happen afterwards. The things that would swirl in my head that would haunt me and made me the lowest of scum that earth could offer.

We did it before and I was fine, I thought “hey maybe there is some hope that things will change and that perhaps we could be together, somehow..” it was denial in its biggest form.

We chatted, we watched telly and we lepak, the usual.

Part of me wanted to be here and the other part of me screamed “what the fuck are you doing here you moron?”

I don’t know.

I think I do know but like always my never ending hope for something foolish whacks my reasoning out of orbit. I was in love; yes I was. That was the reason why I chose to come even if it meant that ill be banging my head on the wall afterwards and throw my heart to dogs to gnaw.

“fuck it, maybe it’ll be different, people change and so does the mind.” Like some twisted mantra it played around in my stupid heart.

We were in bed next to each other, our hands pressed together. Our breath so near, our heart beat as one and the warmth that emanates from out body added the sparks that were to be blown out of proportion.

We were close.

We were very close.

When our lips touched there was no turning back.

Then morning came and we parted ways.

The week after, the boyfriend was still there.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

That’s life for you.