running away from myself ...

i begin my journey north, forever north since i live in the south. a chance to ran away again and to stop thinking about the worries of work. i suppose once in again, like most times i get away to rethink about life; my life to be precise.

'what have i done' and 'why am i here?' are commonly asked in my head. trying to justify my life here, trying to place myself in the hectic world that revolves around no one but on its own time and pace.

im trying to find my niche. a little spot in the great wall of time. to carve a space of my own to wonder if i'll ever be as magnificent as Julius Caesar or even the fable Hang tuah.

my pace is slow, but im going somewhere. i know it and i can feel it.. so i took myself on a thousand kilometer journey, that goes through inhospitable terrains, moutainous regions and the wide open sea.

i lugged myself on the airplane, spent the night in KK and the then took the ferry to labuan... where the skies are blue and the waters are green.

the sun welcomes me into its bossom with a mighty blast of its heat, and the sea breeze cuddles me in its soft touches.. i am here.

there was no agenda, no hidden objectives just me wanting to be here. i wanted to rest my aching body, my disollusioned spirits and my tiring mind. the joy of 4 days of not thinking about work, to just drive the car endlessly around and around till i get where i began the road.

i wasn't expecting much, i wasn't expecting white pearly beaches with clear blue waters with colourful fishes swimming about in the reefs. all i expected was to enjoy the time i am here. its funny that only here am i able to sit and watch the news, to sit and read the papers.

can't say i like reading the papers, its just giving me the oppurtunity to lambast the follies of our government in handling certain issues. as the recent event involving a Customes Complex worth 1,200,000,000,000.00 (is that how many zeros in a billion?) and a compesation to the apparent construction company of 300,000,000.00 (millions). and guess what, when it comes to the health sector for medications budget especially for the hospital i work in is only 300,000.00 for the whole year, and yet doctors are blaming us when it comes to nil-in-stock medications. why? because we can'f afford to order any more. we are restricted with a tight budget. yes, it doesn't matter we can't treat patients, health is not important. we should all die is the underlying statement not said.

we are underpaid and underappreciated, working our ass off trying to make someelse's life better. yet we are prone to superinfection of microorganism, exposes to severe diseases like AIDS, have stress level as high as the eiffel tower and blood pressure that keeps hitting the roof. we are paid with peanuts, i wish the government reviews our pays. where have all the money gone??

took some time off from taking pictures of myself, talk has been going round saying about my vanity; please let it be known i am not vain. it lies much deeper of which i would rather no one else knows about it... walking down the beach i suddenly realize how beautiful the world is. if i wasn't to engrossed in my own little world perhaps i would notice the world more. people dies everyday and i wonder if they ever notice the world before they die? its beautiful, and for the many times in my life i'm happy to be alive. to be able to see the world as it is, to have met bountiful good friends and to have my family with me. i'm lucky, AMIN! ..

... to be continued.....