the night before part deux

Alone.

That’s how I feel.

How I wished I had friends who would advised me for my wrecklessness.

She had 6 of them to protect her.

Me?

I protected myself long time ago.

Dear lord, never shall in my life anyone hurt me. I am me, your servant. Only your smite shall break me apart. They can all go to hell; Each and every one of them for their false righteousness.

It was raining; the bruises on my face hid my contempt for me. My wrong doings my sudden fall from grace hit back hard in memory.

What am I?

“Ko syaitan bertopengkan manusia.” that was 6 years ago; Mad uttered it to my face. The look in his eyes, its piercing gaze slightly watered. Face to face with a man so angry that if he had a parang in his hands, he would have cleaved me in two there and then. A befitting death indeed it could have been.

Ah.

Itu lah aku. Biarlah.

Since then things happen in life its because it was meant to. I’ve never complained about it. I scream and I shout in silence on my own but that’s it. Life is about living for the moment not wasting crying over the past and worry about the future.

She.

It was fate that brought us together. In all its weirdness, fate made us almost together. But me being me, being overly cautious and overly sick of the past couldn’t go any further. One thing I know about me is that I learn.

“Babi ko, Ko buat apa kat adik hah? ko memang sial.” Vic was screaming his head off, the sms’s blaring in my face. “kalau ko tahu dia suka kat kau asal ko tak blah je?, ko nak apa hah? Money?!”

Macam mana aku nak jawab? Aku sendiri pon tak tahu apa yang aku buat. We went out, we hang out, we went for movies and we enjoyed each other’s company. I’d wished she didn’t love me. It would have been much easier. She knew I couldn’t, she knew I never said the words she told me. So what did I do wrong?

Adri; the man in the mask, the devil in disguise. Trying to live up to the title is not exactly hard work. It comes natural to me like breathing. First glance no one can tell but look long enough, you’ll see the real me. All horny and full of thorns; a single prick can last hurt you for days.

It started to be out place when she handed a bag. A perfume bottle, books and cake. She read me so well. Was I that transparent? I resisted, I was embarrassed that I was given something. It felt awkward. She insisted. I knew I could have resisted harder, but in life; one never says no to the good things. How often good things do come in my life?

Apa apa lah.