where am heading next?

i was reading booi's blog (http://booicl.blogs.friendster.com/boulevard_of_boois_dream/) and kak ya's (http://noorsoraya.blogspot.com) as well and surfing through some people's friendster (people that ive known) and im beginning to agree what kak ya said "people move on .. some with different group of friends.."

how funny is it that once upon a time we use to be friends, growing up together and with out much care in the world and hoping that our future be bright together. but a long the way of life, like all perfect fairytales there comes in our lives trials and tribulation, suffering and heart ache and pain. i endure for most part of it and in the end i came out bitter sweet.

i cant help to wonder that perhaps my experience with some people lead me to where i am today. i hate to be mean but perhaps to have gotten my feet stuck in shit because you had me turn into the direction that i had long ignored.

i suppose i should be grateful that fate had me known you even though we left with hatred in ourselves, and i was thinking that perhaps if it weren't for hate i would've not known love?

convocation when by like a blink of an eye.

time moves so quick that i almost trip.

exiting the hall after recieving my scroll.. i was overjoyed and i was sullen. i didnt know what to expect, and i didnt want to expect anything for fear that i may get hurt again for expecting so high. there werent pressent rushing to greet me once i stepped my feet out of the hall like for some of us, there werent as much flowers as others and there werent much jubilation as those shown in movies.

But there was faces that expected me to appear. i can see in their eyes the sense of happiness that you can only see when your friends gets married.

no i didnt have much pressents, though i did get a flower from my juniors (mokthar, rosma, fairuz), a dice from masnie, a mug from kak mashi and a pillow from ida (who tried to be my anonymous fan but failed hahaha) but what i had that was better than all of pressents in the world was to be with the people that gave me back my hopes, that made me chase my dreams stronger and those that taught me contentment; something i've been wanting all my life. to be contented.

there are unexpressed gratitude and thanks for these wonderful people that made the effort for me;

acap,
pakya,
pelik,
hadi,
mueh,
zaidi,
syed,
faiz,
jamel,
gaweng,
zen,
zulnun,
and last but not least.. masnie yg chumel :).

trimas utk mat jai for letting me crash his crib for the whole week.. hehe..

now im back in tawau, supposedly recharge and ready to go.. head on with anything that is given to me. but sometimes i waiver in the face of doom. i feel like i can't stand the pain anymore, i wanted to give and just be second best for anything ... but i know i can't, i can't fail my friends and i know i can't fail me.